y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
