If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
