She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
