Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
