Kiss
Puke
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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