i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Come on in and take your pants off
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