I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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