Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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