y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
