I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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