I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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