It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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