Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
