She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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