So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
