just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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