i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
