just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we're making bets on your personal life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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