so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
