he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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