Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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