i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
