It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
