my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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