I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
