I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
