he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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