She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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