like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
