Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
