we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
