well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
