mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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