I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Green mimosas i think yes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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