There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
