Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Houston, we have a squirter
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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