I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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