I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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