Im at strip club and am horny
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
