she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Are we still banned from the library?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.