You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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