You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
third nipple confirmed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
