I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
