im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
