I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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