Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize