I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
