:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
