i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
