Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
