when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
