i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
