he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
