you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
