it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The adults are the big ones right?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
