I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
