even my farts smell like vagina
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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