dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
