i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
