My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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