she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's rum buckets o'clock
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
