Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
