she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
