my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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