Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
