8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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