Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize