i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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