would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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