Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
